Less than 5 full pages, and you've hit the nail on the head even more than your previous draft. Great job.
One quick comment, though: The book didn't seem that important when reading it the first time, so when it came back at the end I was taken by surprise. I think you can safely emphasize the book a little more without fear giving yourself away. You've got enough action immediately following that the audience will forget about it (but still remember it later), and even if they did have it firmly in mind the entire time the explanation would still come as a surprise.
JJ:
ReplyDeleteLess than 5 full pages, and you've hit the nail on the head even more than your previous draft. Great job.
One quick comment, though: The book didn't seem that important when reading it the first time, so when it came back at the end I was taken by surprise. I think you can safely emphasize the book a little more without fear giving yourself away. You've got enough action immediately following that the audience will forget about it (but still remember it later), and even if they did have it firmly in mind the entire time the explanation would still come as a surprise.