Something that's bothered me about your recent drafts (that I probably should have mentioned before) is that in the script you mention that Shaun is 'dragged into the house.' By what? There's no one else there. It worked well when his friend was with him, but now I don't know what's dragging him - it implies something physically taking hold and pulling him involuntarily toward the house.
If I were Kyle and Bruce I'd be worried there was some pissed-off vagrant in there. Since Bruce comes across as a little buffoonish as opposed to Kyle, maybe you can have Bruce worried about a haunted house and Kyle worried about the vagrants.
SInce the script has a creature in it I guess you're not doing a possession story after all?
I do like how you have it end with a fist pound, though.
James:
ReplyDeleteSomething that's bothered me about your recent drafts (that I probably should have mentioned before) is that in the script you mention that Shaun is 'dragged into the house.' By what? There's no one else there. It worked well when his friend was with him, but now I don't know what's dragging him - it implies something physically taking hold and pulling him involuntarily toward the house.
If I were Kyle and Bruce I'd be worried there was some pissed-off vagrant in there. Since Bruce comes across as a little buffoonish as opposed to Kyle, maybe you can have Bruce worried about a haunted house and Kyle worried about the vagrants.
SInce the script has a creature in it I guess you're not doing a possession story after all?
I do like how you have it end with a fist pound, though.