I think this draft helps to get your story across better than the first draft. Im glad that instead of just having the cut away to the girl throwing up and nick doing acid you also have ones for the dad as he speaks at the dinner table about his "business trip." The addition of the mom being with another man is also fuel to the fire of this imploding family.
Also good touch adding the mother sitting downstairs concerned when the kids get back instead of having the parents know from the get-go that the kids are gone.
I like this draft better, my only qualm is that I feel like, although the wife should be concerned, she overreacts when she makes larry have to move out or she will at the end. I feel like that may be too drastic. Although because of the overall tension that the family has already had it is a little easier to buy it than if the family seemed fine at the beginning. Good work buddy.
Hey Matt,
ReplyDeleteI think this draft helps to get your story across better than the first draft. Im glad that instead of just having the cut away to the girl throwing up and nick doing acid you also have ones for the dad as he speaks at the dinner table about his "business trip." The addition of the mom being with another man is also fuel to the fire of this imploding family.
Also good touch adding the mother sitting downstairs concerned when the kids get back instead of having the parents know from the get-go that the kids are gone.
I like this draft better, my only qualm is that I feel like, although the wife should be concerned, she overreacts when she makes larry have to move out or she will at the end. I feel like that may be too drastic. Although because of the overall tension that the family has already had it is a little easier to buy it than if the family seemed fine at the beginning. Good work buddy.
I think you made some good progress. I also know we can only say so much since you've already filmed it! Hopefully production went well.
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